What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07


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You are now logged in. Forgot your password? Once the lonely cause of environmental cranks, now everyone wants to eliminate these suckers from daily life. In July, Seattle imposed America's first ban on plastic straws. Vancouver, British Columbia, passed a similar ban a few months earlier. A-list celebrities from Calvin Harris to Tom Brady have lectured us on giving up straws. Both National Geographic and The Atlantic have run long profiles on the history and environmental effects of the straw.

Vice is now treating their consumption as a dirty, hedonistic excess. Not to be outdone by busybody legislators, Starbucks, the nation's largest food and drink retailer, announced on Monday that it would be going strawless. The coffee giant says that by it hopes to have eliminated all single-use plastic straws at its 28, stores worldwide.

It will now top all its cold drinks with fancy new strawless lids that the company currently serves with its cold brew nitro coffees. Frappuccinos will still be served with a compostable or paper straw. Liberal magazine The New Republic praised the move as an "environmental milestone. Yet missing from this fanfare was the inconvenient fact that by ditching plastic straws, Starbucks will actually be increasing its plastic use.

Right now, Starbucks patrons are topping most of their cold drinks with either 3. The new nitro lids meanwhile weigh either 3. I got these results by measuring Starbucks' plastic straws and lids on two separate scales, both of which gave me the same results. This means customers are at best breaking even under Starbucks' strawless scheme, or they are adding between.

Given that customers are going to use a mix of the larger and smaller nitro lids, Starbucks' plastic consumption is bound to increase, although it's anybody's guess as to how much. In response to questions about whether their strawless move will increase the company's plastic consumption, a Starbucks spokesperson told Reason "the introduction of our strawless lid as the standard for non-blended beverages by allows us to significantly reduce the number of straws and non-recyclable plastic" as the new lids are recyclable, while the plastic straws the company currently uses are not.

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This is cold comfort given the fact that even most of the stuff that is put in recycling bins still winds up at the dump. The company did not address, nor did it dispute, that its transition to strawless lids would increase its overall plastic consumption. The weight of plastic—not the raw number of plastic objects used, or whether those objects are recyclable—is what should really concern environmentalists.

Pictures of turtles with straws up their noses are certainly jarring. However most plastic, whatever form it enters the ocean as, will eventually be broken up into much smaller pieces known as micro-plastics. It is these micro-plastics that form those giant ocean garbage patches, pile up on the ocean floor, and leech into the stomachs and flesh of sea creatures. Reducing the amount of micro-plastics in the ocean thus requires cutting down on the aggregate weight of plastics entering the ocean each year.

It cannot be stressed enough that straws, by weight, are a tiny portion of this plastic. At most, straws account for about 2, tons of the 9 million tons of plastic that are estimated to enter the ocean each year, according to the Associated Press—. The pollution problem posed by straws looks even smaller when considering that the United States is responsible for about one percent of plastic waste entering the oceans, with straws being a smaller percentage still. As countless experts have stressed, truly addressing the problem of marine plastic pollution will require going after the source of this pollution, namely all the uncollected litter from poorer coastal countries that lack developed waste management systems.

Straw banners have proven stubbornly resistant to this logic. Instead, they have chosen to rely on either debunked statistics such as the claim that Americans use million straws a day, which was the product of a 9-year-old's research or totally unproven notions like the theory that straws are a "gateway plastic" in order to justify petty prohibitions on innocuous straws.

And they have been helped along by an uncritical media. There is much external political pressure, particularly on the part of Demacia, for the invaders to leave. The Noxian High Command claims that they will leave once Ionia has been modernized enough to economically compete in the world and protect itself from foreign threats. However, the situation remains as it has, as the outcome was decided legally in the League of Legends.

There are still eight years remaining before southern Ionia can challenge Noxus once again for their independence. Ionians claim that fifteen years was far too long a stay to grant to the invaders. They say that Noxus took advantage of the newly-formed League. Despite Noxian protests that such challenges border on illegality, Ionia has gained much support in the court of public opinion.

It is an overcast morning in Zaun, as are most mornings in the urban heart of the city-state. Once again, pollution blocks the full glory of the morning sun and drains the sky of its pastels. Visitors have coined a name for this shade of sky: Zaun Gray. It is an unnatural experience to an outsider, let alone color.

It takes a little getting used to; looking at the Zaun sky might be akin to seeing the beginnings of a cosmic disturbance. His arrival comes with a significant amount of fanfare. He is virtually royalty here in Zaun, and with that comes the trappings of fame — assistants, security, and various hangers-on.

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It seems slightly out of place, considering Dr. With this in mind, I am quick to get the interview started. TT: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Dr. Our readership certainly wants to get to know you better. TT: Duly noted. Your notoriety, your fame from being in the League DM: Life not changed for Mundo. Mundo fights for Zaun and for Noxus friends. Mundo fights for summoners. Mundo also find time for medical research. TT: You were nearly suspended from the League for not disclosing your use of adrenaline shots.

Do you regret your decision? TT: You've been described as a bit of a hermit. How have you been able to deal with your newfound popularity? DM: Mundo use masochism for battle arena, not for marriage. Mundo waiting for special someone. TT: You've amassed a cult following here in Zaun. Romantic interests aside, how do you feel about your fans? TT: It's been noted by many that Zaun has gained a more favorable political perception since your introduction to the League.

Was this your goal? TT: Do you feel like the champions in the League have almost too much power when it comes to deciding some very serious political matters? DM: Yes.


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Chairman Dunderson call Mundo leader because Mundo wins. Zaun successful because of Mundo. Mundo brings wins to Zaun. TT: To wrap things up here, do you have a rival? A nemesis? Who is the greatest threat to Mundomania? DM: laughs Mundomania! Mundo using that. Lawyers will work out details. Mundo king of battle arena. Crazy ice bird throw up frozen wall one too many times. Mundo tired of smashing face into wall. With the guvners in the League making sure the big names in Valoran play nice, trade is up and the desire for worldly imports is higher than ever.

Now, I'm just a simple sailor, so I'm not about to start giving you fashion advice. As my port of call is Bilgewater, however, I do have a thing or two to share with you on the subject of rum. Whether you're ready to toss back a bit of the cure for what ails you, or you're just out to stock the barrels to keep your crew in grog for the season, I'm here to help find just the bottle you're looking for.

Rapture is clear as diamonds, with a pleasantly clean aroma of cut cane. To shake things up, Miss Fortune adds a hint of pepper and hot cinnamon to keep you warm on deck during stormy days at sea. To be enjoyed with your favorite tropical fruit, Miss Fortune's Rapture Rum is every bit as much the exotic beauty that she is! Let me ask you a question, sailor. Have you ever chewed rum? Aged in charred oak casks and infused with some of the richest spices that Valoran has to offer, this rum comes out blacker than pitch and about as thick.

Gangplank's Black Pearl is a draught for the true rum enthusiast, only. The rest of you blokes are just going to wind up feeling barmy and running for the deck rails.

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So be careful! I've seen a bit of the black stuff lay out even the roughest blighter with nary a hint of warning. This rum is the trademark drink of Myron's Murderhole, one of the most famous and historic bars in all of Bilgewater. Dark in color with the aroma of woody molasses, this infamous spirit is a veritable staple of Bilgewater sailors on the high seas. Richer than its lighter relatives, this dark beauty finishes with an uncanny sweetness that's just perfect for taking the edge off.

Volume Issue , 26 September

Enjoy with hot water, or even straight from the bottle. Either way, Myron's Dark will keep you warmer than a pea coat on a blustery day. This rum is characteristically served at Plankwalkin' Pete's, a newfangled bar run dockside by a barmy lad with a peg leg. Light amber in color, Mount Atin will assail your senses with the aroma of sweet grass, molasses, nutmeg, and just a hint of citrus.

A bit dry on its own, your typical dose comes served with tonic and a lime, so after a glass or two you're well on your way to warding off both scurvy and malaria. In opening the latest batch of mail from the mighty Mailbag of Justice, it is clear that the recent political saga involving Freljord is fresh on many of your minds. We at the Journal also share your concerns.


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A new city-state, fully recognized by the League! These are interesting times we live in, friends. Does Tryndamere feel anything for the Frost Archer? But the bigger question, if they are King and Queen, should we expect a Prince anytime soon? It may not be the best time with Noxus and the third sister being so hostile , but the royal line is thin. Despite what will happen, I wish the best of luck to the newfound city-state! A number of marriages that have occurred in the monarchies of Valoran constitutional or otherwise have been arranged out of convenience rather than love.

When Jarvan III of Demacia was married to the then Lady Catherine Spiritmight over twenty-five years ago, the marriage was intended to first and foremost bring unity to two of the most powerful political forces in Demacia — the Lightshields and the Spiritmights. Both of them have publicly expressed as much. Having said that, who is to say where this marriage may take the King and Queen of Freljord? This is especially so with Princess Sejani actively working against the new Freljord royalty.

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I have heard from several sources that the summoner actually has full control of their champion during battle, and that the champions simply serve as ragdolls for the magicians to manipulate. However, the thought that our skillful champion may not actually be doing any of the fighting himself has upset a great deal of us. Can you shed some light on these concerning rumors? Summoning is the most challenging of all magical disciplines. There is far more to it than simply relocating a being from one location to another.

A summoner mentally and physically links with their summoned being champions, as we call them , allowing for a fluid symbiosis. A champion is not a puppet of the summoner; instead, the champion is the executor of the will of the summoner. Bear this in mind, Boush: a champion is never forced to be a part of a battle arena where their loyalties and beliefs are not considered. During matches where city-states are resolving disputes, a champion will never act against their own interests.

Garen , for example, would never charge out of the brush at a fellow Demacian if the match were about resolving a dispute involving Demacia. If this were to happen, would the league be capable of preventing an all out war? Oh, but were it that easy for Freljord. Demacia and the people that now make up Freljord have a history of conflict, albeit nowhere near as grievous as the conflict between Noxus and Freljord. Both city-states have a lot of diplomatic work ahead of them before they can bridge a gap that spans decades of distrust.

As for preventing an all out war, the League will take whatever actions necessary to protect its client city-states from all threats — even if those threats are from the city-states themselves. Madness, people, madness! Only yours truly, dedicated reporter Ram Steed, has the sheer audacity to tell you how it is.

I can't even tell you how long it's been since my last report — time is a blur! What I can promise you is that I have been pounding the pavement to bring you more of what you really want — a full blown gossip buffet from inside the League of Legends. Sure she's deadly. Sure she's survived multiple attempts on her life at the behest of the Noxian High Command. Sure she's hotter than a summer day — that red and gold outfit certainly provides her with plenty of space to move. For those whose memory is less than stellar, Sivir was arrested last October after going for an alcohol-induced joyride in a hex-tech conveyance, terrorizing her two passengers and a host of pedestrians.

She was arrested by Demacian authorities shortly afterwards, if you remember the hype, and she stood trial just the other day. Judge Haley Suede took pity on Sivir's "I'm just a lonely girl with personal problems" defense and sentenced the Champion to 90 days in a Demacian penitentiary, with time spent in the Fields of Justice not counting towards her sentence. Listen, I love our Champions — they pay my bills — but one thing I can't stand is the way they're given special dispensation by the courts.

If I'd done the same thing, I would be in jail for the next 18 months, and not in a cushy part of the prison. Oh well. Position has its privilege, but we'll have to see how a jail term interferes with her duties to the League of Legends.


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What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07 What Will He Do with It? — Volume 07

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